Bludiamonds Exclusive: Counte$$ ad campaign reveals Zimmer supporters sent to Al Qaeda training camp with Hoboken tax dollars

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Former advertising professional and perennial candidate for something-or-other Beth Mason officially kick started her Madison Avenue career, along with her 2013 Mayoral/Assembly/GlobalEmpre$$/whatever-she-can-get-her-hands-on Campaign today with the launch of a major advertisement accusing Mayor Dawn Zimmer of sending her political supporters to terrorist training camps in Pakistan.

The ad campaign, titled “15 Lashes for Bombing the Taxpayer,” calls for the Mayor to be constrained in stocks and publicly heckled, stalked and lashed in front of the City Hall, followed by a pie in the face from each and every customer on their way out of Carlo’s Bakery.

The grounds for this highly unusual punishment are treason and sedition against the Counte$$ and United States perpetrated at Hoboken taxpayer expense. The Mayor, according to the ad, used taxpayer money to send two political supporters to Pakistan for terrorist training to be used against Hoboken residents.

The actual facts of the case are clear, but Counte$$ Ma$on has a great deal of experience dealing in wild allegations that have little to no basis in fact, so this is not of great concern. In fact, as the good people of Gillette will tell you, Counte$$’s “fluid” relationship with the facts came to define her former career in the advertising world. For example, she has been known to claim she “wrote the book” on client service, when in fact she only ever wrote two chapters – 7 and 11.

Counte$$ is similarly unconcerned with the copyright infringement of the use of Al Quaeda’s logo in the new ad, nor with the fact that no Hoboken official ever actually went to Pakistan.

“I can show you the receipts for the cab rides to the airport,” said Counte$$, referring to city-sponsored rides for a city employee to Newark Airport to attend an industry conference. “The Zimmer Zombies were riding in stretch Hummer limos to Newark airport, flown to Pakistan, and trained to come back here and kill Americans and rape Hoboken taxpayers.” 

A Hoboken resident after seeing the initial advertisement, asked Counte$$ Ma$on at this week’s City Council meeting about the veracity of the allegations. Counte$$ was prepared however, and had her pet-shop-dwelling pet chimp, himself the benefactor of a highly opaque rental arrangement with a major campaign patron, challenge the speaker’s Hoboken residency on account of a few months he spent working abroad. Counte$$, a very recently declared Giants fan (not unlike Kids First, which she also endorsed post-victory), used a football analogy to show her appreciation of Timmy’s efforts.

“Councilman Awkyoopintay did a nice job running interference,” Counte$$ said. “He’s not the brightest bulb, or even the 18th-brightest, but he does what he’s told, and that’s what’s important. Good job, Timmy. Good boy!”

Last Countess whooped it up yelling, “USA! USA!” 

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