Things had been going pretty well. Lots of traffic coming and going in and out of Hoboken but I knew I’d always make up for the time lost by not having to hunt for twenty minutes or more to find a parking spot near my destination. My friend who is buds with Johnny C hooked me up with this nifty little device that gets me in and out of the Hoboken parking garages pronto. I just leave it in the window and the parking attendant either ignores me or waves me along.
Even when some bad news befell our friend Johnny C, my friend said there’s nothing to worry about, everything is good to go. I pay him a monthly rental fee for the little doo hickey and get unlimited free parking everywhere in town. Didn’t tell my friend I lent it out to my family and friends for a little scratch on the side. Put them on the friends and family program too. A little grease never hurt anyone.
So it was pretty bad when my device stopped working last month. Came into Hoboken and when leaving the garage, the doo hickey thing didn’t work and the gate didn’t open. The attendant said there was a problem and I had to pay the cost of parking. It was $27! I couldn’t believe it.
Took the ticket to City Hall and found out where this Ian Sacs guy was who had replaced our friend. He was very uncooperative. He wanted to know who gave me the doo hickey and why I was using it. I just wanted him to throw out the ticket. He was really arrogant and told me to get out of his office even when I told him about our friends from the arcade company. This guy is really thick. Doesn’t he know how things run here?
So then I went to the mayor’s office to complain. Told she was busy although all I saw her doing was talking on the phone and telling someone to shut all of the doo hickeys down. Maybe she was on the phone with that Ian guy. Did someone miss a payment or something?
One of our friends told me to go to the Russo Association to see what I can do but they told me to go talk to Councilwoman Terry Castellano. So I get her on the phone and before I could finish explaining she tells me there is no parking quarters problem. She said, “It’s been resolved” and hung up.
What have they done to our town? This used to be our thing. I ain’t ever coming back to Hoboken no more. This ain’t our town no more.
Photo: A car transponder, for depiction purposes only.
The above story is satire and a mere guess on what’s been discussed about 160 times around town recently. Your mileage, conversation (and parking) may vary.
Related: A video from back in the day of Mayor Anthony Russo when expectations were more clear on how things should work in “our town.”
Related: MSV commented on Hoboken hiring Ian Sacs and also noted the opposition from a certain rumored burka wearer.