Bet Mazin: Let me ease your fears in my absence and our future
Messages from Afar – To the plebeians of Hobroken Country
It has come to my attention there is great wonderment and gnashing of teeth among most of you on my recent absence from Hobroken Country. Your constant wailing and lamentations have been heard by my various political consultants, operatives, and others on my payroll. Please have no fear and know none of you are ever far from my thoughts or outside of my control.
Although I am not with you extending benefits to your health as you breath my exhaled air, controlling your thoughts are never far from my mind and a push poll is always within my grasp so I can reach out and touch you.
I know many of you are suffering in dread and consternation not knowing what leadership role I may pursue in the future. Yes, I’m aware of your suffering but in the end it’s my legacy that should be foremost in your mind and I’ve yet to determine what’s best for me and your fates.
As I ponder my central position in the Milky Way galaxy, the Orion Constellation and the wonders of this universe please know you will be most grateful no matter what decision I announce. Should I depart my nation of Hobroken, you will be left in good hands in whom whoever I designate. It will absolutely not be Sandy “no show” Jobmost or any of her progeny especially a ham, Eli or other popular sandwich.
Should certain advantages be presented to my checkbook, it is Timmy who is now adequately prepared to run our nation if I so authorize it. Should I pass wind, hell or high water, you will be the first and last to know about it.
Currently I’m away in sensitive negotiations to lay down some green carbon checks for Ryan Whacked who is weighing my latest proposal on taking over new lands on the New Jersey subcontinent. It’s too soon to announce a deal has been finalized but follow the Ludite Reporter for the latest approved breaking information. FinBoy will keep Sully and you appraised.
Fear not, together we shall get through these anxious difficult moments and know I’m never far from bankrupting you collectively and individually. Feliz Dinavidad is on retainer and ready to take on additional legal work including an action plan to bankrupt that hospital once and for all. It shall not escape my plan and this time I don’t care how much any of those employees cry and declare my greatness. Let their destruction be an example and warning to you all.
May my proboscis be with you now and forever or until Dicky takes away the checkbook.