How Tim Occhipinti saved Hoboken

Tim Occhipinti is working dilgently to alleviate the flooding problem in Hoboken.  He’s taken a number of important steps this week to aid residents through the flooding.

Earlier this week, the occupant of the 4th ward Council seat took time out of his busy schedule to help residents in the Southwest as the flooding problem erupted when a torrent of rain came crashing through town.  Tim was even wading in knee deep water helping other southwest residents.

Oh wait, that was Councilman Dave Mello.  Sorry, my bad.

Tim Occhipinti did in fact notify his colleague Dave Mello he was on a very important mission.  Tim notified Dave he had to aid a VIP attempting to find his way to an important beer hall opening.  Okay, Dave Mello didn’t get the notification, but that doesn’t mean Tim didn’t send it.

And who was the VIP Tim had to escort to the beer hall?

Assemblyman Ruben Ramos with Tim in his commercial noting Tim’s personal integrity.

And did Tim Occhipinti succeed in his mission to get Assemblyman Ramos through the flooded streets of Hoboken?

Tim Occhipinti at the Pilsner Haus opening rear left with Assemblyman Ruben Ramos right

Well look Tim succeeded in his mission.  The Assemblyman not only safely arrived at the Pilsner Haus opening, he’s completely dry and happy.  Bonus: Tim looks pretty happy and dry too. 

But that’s not all folks.  Tim went on to perform more miracles that evening.  Here he shows his promptness fighting through the flood arriving at the beer hall first:

Tim arrived first to ensure the tables were dry so beer could be served.

But Tim wasn’t done.  The flood was a menace and Tim wanted to be sure he could contribute to every important matter at the beer hall. 

The bar is safe and all the liquor intact – thanks to Tim!

Tim’s good works don’t end here.  It may be a weekend but Tim is always ready to act on behalf of the 4th ward and all of Hoboken.  Tim really outdid himself this time, surveying the town’s streets and notifying people of the ones closed.  Here’s an excerpt of the the email Tim sent out:

Here’s part of the email Tim made for Hoboken residents

If the email looks familiar, well it should.  It already appeared on MSV earlier as it was issued by the City.  But Tim Occhipinti is famous for one thing and that’s taking credit for the work of others and things he has nothing to do with.  

Hey, what’s a little plagiarism among friends?
If you are Tim, why not steal a few hundred votes or what have you.

Speaking of theft.  Here’s a photo of Tim’s friend, Scott Delea:

Scott Delea

Has anyone checked to see if Scott Delea is okay?  These floods are pretty dangerous and even Tim Occhipinti can’t be everywhere even if it means saving someone as self-important as Scott Delea.

Last we heard, Tim and Scott were last seen together escorting kids out of the Boys and Girls Club and telling them not to come back.  When one girl began crying Scott told her she could get back in if she stayed away from the HoLa kids and made out a big fat check to Party with Purpose.

The girl who was part of a dance team said she didn’t have a check and couldn’t afford it.  Scott told her to take a hike to Hoboken High School even though it’s much farther from her home.

Well Tim and Scott do share some things in common besides aiding and abetting in escorting underprivileged kids out of the Boys and Girls Club.

They both like to steal stuff from others.

If Scott Delea is capable of stealing from this website to promote himself imagine what he’d be willing to do if you ever put your trust in him, let alone with your tax money.

No doubt, Scott will be a Tim off the old block.

Talking Ed Note: In addition to the heavy flooding in Hoboken (and all over the region) 2,000 Hoboken residents lost power due to a transformer explosion late last night.

Tim and Scott are teaming up to restore their energy providing their ever abundant supply of gasbaggery.  Those who remember Grafix Avenger’s warbling Russo insider, Deep Uvula may recall that talent Scott brought to last May’s City Council race.

Tim is fond of making everyone in City Council meetings sit though his endless trite soliloquies on the 4th ward where if he told a Director to remove leaves from a sewer grate, he has to let everyone know – on camera. 

MSV may do a poll on who will get the nod for 2011 Hoboken Gasbag of the Year but as we see it, Tim and Scott are both running neck and neck. 

All Pilsner Haus unretouched photos courtesy of the Jersey Journal.
This article is satire but based on almost all true facts that Tim and Scott won’t be sending voters in an email.

Leave a Reply